That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
