When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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