hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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