How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
