Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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