i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
A bitchslap is in order.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
