I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
