I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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