Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she peed on how many people?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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