so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
