1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Let's paint friendship bongs
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
