I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
