i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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