I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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