New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
