so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
