talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
