it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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