in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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