don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
