I wish I could punch you in the face.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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