I think I won the penis lottery.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
