The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
