What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
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