dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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