rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
