she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
