Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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