I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
