Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
