I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
