That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize