about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
