on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
