I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
