why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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