I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
