I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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