your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
