Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
worst night to have a conscience
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
