I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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