Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
