There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
