My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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