It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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