if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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