i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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