I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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