I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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