I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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