Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
