I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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