bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
