better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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