Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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