I hate all girls vehemently.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
