Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
