jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Success! We fucked roommates!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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