I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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