Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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