put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
