I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Randomize
