just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
