i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
