she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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