I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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