i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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