Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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