I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
