you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize