if only i could text you this smell
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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