38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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