Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
