just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
