I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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