if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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