remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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