Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
