yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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